Stop Undermining Your Own Voice: How to Speak with True Confidence
Picture this: You're sitting across the conference room table from Rose, a brilliant marketing strategist. As she leans forward to speak, all eyes turn to her with anticipation. Then it happens – "This might sound stupid, but..." she begins, instantly undermining the insightful market observation she's about to share. Meanwhile, across town, Jennifer is wrapping up her detailed project proposal. Despite her subject matter expertise, she ends with a nervous laugh and those telling words: "Sorry if that seems weird or was too much... did it make sense?" These aren't isolated incidents. They represent a pattern I keep seeing in coaching sessions with accomplished professionals who unconsciously diminish their own expertise and then question their confidence.
The reality? Rose's observation cut straight to a strategic insight that needed to be heard. Jennifer's proposal outlined an innovative approach that could transform her client's results. Yet before their ideas could even land, both women had already signaled to their audience not to take them too seriously. Their self-deprecating habits weren't just harmless verbal tics – they were actively chipping away at their leadership presence and diluting the power of their ideas.
And here's the thing - I bet you've caught yourself or someone you know doing something similar. Maybe not those exact phrases, but their cousins: "This might be a silly question..." or "I'm not the expert, but..." or my personal favorite, "This might seem obvious..." (Spoiler: if it was really obvious, you wouldn't have the intuitive nudge to bring it up.)
Let's talk about three ways you're probably undermining your own voice - and how to stop doing it.
1. The Permission Dance
You know what I mean - those little verbal warm-ups we do before sharing our actual thoughts. "This might be a stupid question..." or "You might think this is weird..." Here's what's really happening: you're telling your audience to take you less seriously before you've even made your point. You're asking for permission to have a perspective.
Want to know something fascinating? When my clients begin to strip away these qualifiers, they often worry they'll come across as arrogant. But here's what actually happens: their ideas land with more impact, invite more meaningful discussion, and yes - people perceive them as more confident. Not because they're being louder or more aggressive, but because they're simply allowing their ideas to stand on their own merit.
Try this instead: Jump straight into your insight. "I've noticed something interesting about our customer feedback..." or "I see an opportunity here..." Let your ideas speak for themselves.
2. The Endless Explanation Loop
Jennifer's habit of asking "does that make sense?" after sharing her thoughts isn't just about seeking clarity - it's about anxiety. We over-explain when we're not confident in our right to take up space. But here's the paradox: the more we ramble and apologize, the more we signal to others (and ourselves) that maybe we shouldn't be taking up that space after all.
The fix? Make your point clear and concise, then stop. Be silent for a few moments and let people process. Trust that if someone needs clarification, they'll ask. Your ideas deserve the space to breathe.
3. The Body Doesn't Lie
While we're focusing on words, let's not forget that confidence - or lack thereof - shows up in your body language too. Sitting in the back, shrinking in your chair, nervous hand gestures, avoiding eye contact - these physical habits are like subtitles running under your words saying "don't pay too much attention to me."
Here's a quick power move: Before your next meeting, plant your feet firmly on the ground, roll your shoulders back, and take up your full space. Sounds simple, right? But this physical reset tells both your brain and your audience that you're ready to engage as a full participant. Then go take your well-deserved seat at the table.
Look, this isn't about transforming into some ultra-aggressive version of yourself. It's about removing the barriers you've placed between your ideas and your audience. It's about trusting that your perspective is valuable enough to be delivered without apology.
Next time you're about to share something in a meeting, catch yourself. Are you about to add any disclaimers? Any preemptive apologies? Try letting your idea stand strong on its own. You might be amazed at how differently people respond when you signal that your voice deserves to be heard.
Because here's the truth: it always has.